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Tuesday, July 18, 2006


A sign is a sign is a...sign OR What is H-O-M-E?

We've been in Colorado for 10 mos and 1 day. In our new house for let's see....3mos and 17days, but who's counting? Ok besides the landlady and the utility companies. The house is fine. Fine...reminds me of an old George Carlin skit. Dining is fine. Crystal is fine. One cannot BE fine. One can be WELL or unwell,but not FINE. Ok so what does that make a house? The house is suiting our needs. Sound better? Good. It's almost midnight and it's the best I've got.
But I digress....
So those close to me are more than aware I'm sure (and you know who you are) that I'm homesick. Sick of home? Hardly. Missing my home? You betcha! For as much as I thought this grand move to the midwest would be a good thing, a fun thing, an adventure, I find that it isn't. It's beautiful here in the mountains. It's kind of neat being able to stand on the deck and look at the mountains to know what the weather will be. I can't tell you the last time I watched a weather forecast. It's great not having lots of precipitation that never seems to end or harsh temperatures. The air is clean; no smog. I live a 5minute walk from a major road (comparable to a "route" back East) and can't even hear the cars when I'm in the yard. It's quiet here.
The house is big enough for us to live comfortably. It has it's ups and downs; things that need to be fixed,but also "comes with" items that we never had before (like aforementioned deck). I have a bedtime routine with the kids much like I used to. Some things don't change.
But this isn't HOME. I live here, I breathe here, but it is still a house. Home is where the heart is? I think I dropped my heart somewhere back in the 021 zip code range. Anyone see it?
My friends, my family (ok not ALL my family) are back there. I don't miss the angst and chaos. I miss the familiarity. I miss the cameradery. I miss the flexibility to go and do and see what I liked and not think twice about it.
So lately I've been dropping hints like lead bricks....stop that, reverse it...I've been TELLING everyone that I want to go back East. Of course I'd miss folks here,but it's just not the same. I guess you can take the girl out of the city,but you can't take the city out of the girl. Or as my brother puts it, the concrete jungle.
What should I do? Should I stay or should I go now? (sorry I was momentarily possessed by The Clash)

Tonight we found the local library...in a strip mall. Who puts a library in a strip mall?!?!? Ok there's a sign coming so pay attention, there'll be a pop quiz later.
We go to the desk to ask for library cards. My lovely daughter immediately says, "Mom, look at her (librarian) ladybug pins!" Nice librarian tells us that she LOVES ladybugs and asks if she does too? We tell her that my stepmom (Judy) did and when we see them we think of her. Nice librarian asks for ID from us and sees we're from Boston. She's from Boston too! She tells us that she cried for a year after coming here because she wanted to go back home. (hey, that was another sign, did you catch it??) Hubby tells her that I'm going through the same thing now. Her husband is military though so they had to stay. I quickly point out that we aren't and I want to turn around and go back. We chatted a little about the two states and their differences. She said she's been here 20yrs and I told her I have no intention of staying that long. She was very nice and wished us well with whatever we decide.
We return from our library trip and what is in my email but a lovely letter from my dad. He's trying to give me the positive light to what seems like a dark situation to me. And as is natural, he whips out a "Judy-ism" to help. Apparently, she told Dad one time that where his feet are standing is where he is meant to be in that moment... You caught that one right?

So now let's count....
1) ladybug pins
2) librarian from Boston and still missing it
3) Judy-ism about being where you're meant to be

Now, is it 3 strikes you're out or 3 times the charm?
Let me know if you figure out the answer. I'll give you a cookie.